dagsluiting
there is a beautiful moment in the documentary/eulogy strijdmakker which david kleijwecht made about his friend wim brands who killed himself (just like joost zwagerman en rogi wieg, who failed to kill himself and then got someone else more qualified to do it, and as my friend marcel did, and my cousin joost and my friend’s son, these people were all my friends and my cousins, even the ones i didn’t know, the ones that died when i still lived on the other side of the world) where he is interviewing ellen deckwitz and with a bit of clever editing, she suddenly grabs hold of his hand and looking him in the eye like a postmodern sorceress trying to hypnotise him, recites the following lines :
ik ben niet bang voor wat er gaat gebeuren
er zullen witte dieren door het veld gaan lopen
en dat zal alles zijn
eigenlijk geloofde ik niets
zelfs niet in u
maar soms wanneer ik denk dat gij waarachtig leeft
dan denk ik dat gij liefde zijt en eenzaam
en dat gij vanuit dezelfde wanhoop mij zoekt. zoals ik u
the first part is jan arends and the last part (partially misquotes — not that it matters) the writer from the dream’s classic ‘dagsluiting’.
(i removed the punctuation and his careful capitalisation. he would have hated that and curses me from beyond the grave but i don’t care, and this is deckwitz and i can’t hear her saying any capitals or punctuation.)